Rule of Life

What is a Rule of Life?

A Rule of life is a structure that gives us space and support to pursue a balanced life in Christ. It helps us to build life-giving rhythms into our lives that allow us to be in the presence of God, to be nourished by His Spirit, and to become his hands and feet in the world. Rather than being law, a Rule of Life is a guide for living our lives well and living them intentionally. For a great introduction to this practice, watch this video produced by Fuller Theological Seminary.

Considerations for a Rule of Life

Who do I want to be? How do I want to live? What do I most value in life?

These are the kinds of questions we seek to address in building a Rule of Life. After much thought and reflection, we come up with a road map of how we will live our lives in the next season, we write these down in some manner, and then we seek to live out that Rule as best as we can.

When it comes to building a Rule of Life, there are many ways to go about doing it. There are no right or wrong ways to do this. So consider the following to be a suggestion of one way to create this Rule. The following is something I developed in the past few years, which I have found helpful.

When I am building a Rule of Life, I ask myself these questions: “How can I embrace Reality and then how can I tend to my Relationships, Roles, Riches, and Rhythms?” Let’s dig in a little deeper.

Reality: Who am I? How am I wired? What is my stage of Life? What is season of faith? What are my strengths and weaknesses? What are the areas where I most need to see growth? Pondering these sorts of questions help us create a Rule of Life that makes sense to how God has uniquely created us and to what are the opportunities and limitations of this season are.

Relationships: Who are all the people in my life? What relationships are most important to me?

Roles: What roles do I play in life (i.e., mother, teacher, friend, church leader, etc. etc.) and what roles are most important?

Riches: How has God blessed me? What are the resources in my possession (i.e., money, home, available time available, skill sets, etc.) and how can I steward them well and be generous with them? How can I also care for myself well?

Rhythms: What are the spiritual rhythms (UP, IN, OUT, DOWN, and TOGETHER) I can pursue so that I will more fully love God and neighbor?

Once you sit with these questions, you are ready to go.

Steps to Creating a Rule of Life

Note: These instructions and the corresponding worksheets have been newly revised in December 2021!

Introduction

As mentioned above, there is no right or wrong way to how one builds a Rule of Life, so once you spend time with the above questions, dive on in. How would you like to live your life more intentionally in this season? Write this down or draw it out.

Now, if you need more structure or would like more questions to prompt you in your reflections and decisions, the following steps may be helpful. Note, the steps below involve a more intensive process, so be ready to spend some extensive time on this if this the way you go. Also, note, there are a lot of questions to answer. You need not answer all of them; they are simply there as prompts to help you in your process, so if you get stuck on any one of them, move on for now. You can always come back later or perhaps they would be better addressed in another season of life. If you have a spiritual director, you might also bring those questions to direction.

Also note: if you have have already spent a lot of time in self-reflection, you many simply want to do step 3 for now.

Finally, if you like to write your thoughts down as you go or are a person who loves Daily Planners, these Rule of Life brainstorming  and planning pages may be helpful as you go through the process.

Steps

Step 1:  Take some time for self-reflection.  Spend some time Considering the Six S’s of Self-Assessment.  Who are you? What is your stage of life and faith? What is your season of faith? How did God wire you uniquely? What are some of your besetting sins and your strengths? Take as much time on these questions as you would like, but also do make sure to move onto the next steps before too long. You will never have this all figured out before you start crafting a Rule of Life, and that is okay. You can always come back later to dig deeper. And remember, this step is to help you craft a Rule of Life that makes sense to who you are uniquely in this season of life, not a Rule of Life that you or others think you should have.

Step 2:  Spend some time with the questions for self-reflection regarding your roles, relationships, and riches    Identify your main roles, the specific ways you want to nurture your relationships, and the specific ways you want to live out a life of generosity in this upcoming season.

Step 3: Now, spend some time considering the spiritual rhythms of UP, IN, OUT, DOWN, and TOGETHER and ask God what practices and life activities He might be inviting you to take on or leave behind in this next season.  A balanced life in Christ will include all five rhythms over the course of your lifetime, although depending on your wiring, season and particular call, you might spend more time in one rhythm than the others, and that is okay. That being said, do take note of any particular rhythm you tend to skip or avoid, and ask God how he might be inviting you to live into this rhythm in this upcoming season. (You can find descriptions and questions regarding each of the rhythms here.)

Then write down the rhythms you are considering taking on in this season. Once you have done this, then refine your list and narrow it down.  What is God inviting you to take on in this season? (It is better to take on 1 or 2 new practices for each rhythm and give them your all then to try to take on too many and to become discouraged. Also take time to identify how regularly you want to engage each practice/activity and each relationship and write these down.

Note, here is where the Rhythms brainstorming pages may come in handy for you, so check them out.

Step 4:  Enter into another space of self-reflection.  Consider your strengths and weaknesses more deeply, consider the areas of life you most need growth, and reflect on the areas you would like to see blossom or diminish. You may want to have a conversation with your pastor, a mentor, or another person you trust who will help you to see yourself more clearly.

Step 5:  After you have considered your reality, relationships, roles, resources, and rhythms, “write down” your Rule of Life in any way that makes sense to you. (paragraph, chart, visual depiction).  Write down the practices and rhythms you hope to take on in this season by the grace of God. This is where the Planning Pages may come in handy. Also, for all kinds of ideas of how to “write” a Rule of Life, check out https://ruleoflife.com. There are absolutely no right or wrong ways to do this, and you can write this as linearly or artistically as you would like.

Step 6:  Return to your Rule of Life from time to time.  Depending on what works best, considering revisiting your Rule each church season, school season, year, or other significant time period.  Your Rule will continually be changing over time depending on your season and stage of faith, your life stage, your life circumstances, and the state of the world (i.e., Covid-19 has brought on a very different reality for most of us).

Note: I am indebted to Steve Macchia’s “Crafting a Rule of Life” for my process of creating a Rule of Life. Although not identical, my methodology certainly developed out of his process and for those familiar with his process, you’ll see how they are different and how they are similar.

A Final Note: Show Yourself Grace As Your Build Your Rule of Life And Be Open For Revisions

Creating a Rule of Life is a process which takes time and self-reflection.  If you are anything like me, you will find that creating a Rule is both wonderful and intimidating. As a person who has often felt undisciplined and aimless in my spiritual life, I both look forward to creating a Rule of Life but also at times resist it. That is why I am so passionate these days about helping others build a Rule. All to say, as you go through the process outlined above, you may at times feel overwhelmed, apathetic, resistant, or even guilty.  If this is you, you are not alone. Give those emotions over to the Lord.  Take it to prayer.  And invite a trusted spiritual companion into this process with you, if it is helpful.  

As alluded to in the above video, the point of a Rule is not to add a long to-do list to your life, to over-program your life, to merit God’s love for you (which you cannot do), to give you a guilt-trip, or to make you into the perfectly balanced, ideal Christian you long to be. 

So as you engage in this process, rest in your belovedness before the Lord.  The Lord delights in you now as you are, and you have already been brought into right relationship with Him through His Crucifixion and Resurrection.

Then,, remember why you are creating a Rule of Life. You are doing this because you want to take stock of your life - your priorities, your relationships with others, your relationship with God, and your identity in Christ - so that you can make decisions about how you spend your time, talent, and treasure.  The Rule helps you to be more intentional with your life so that your life can increasingly reflect the priorities and values you hold dear, and so you can grow as a disciple of Jesus.  

Also, take adequate time to create this Rule.   You don’t need to do this in day or even a week!  Go through this step by step and take breaks in between, whether that is an hour or a few days.    Also ask trusted people in your life for insight as you engage this process.  Certain people will have better perspective, insight, and clarity on certain areas of your life than you will.  

When you do finally complete your Rule, know that you’ll most likely not follow your Rule completely or perfectly, and that is okay, because ultimately this is about engaging in a process of heart transformation, not exercising your own will to “get this right” and “to do the right thing”.  And the truth is that heart transformation takes a lot of time and is ultimately the work of the Holy Spirit, not yours.  

Finally, know that the Rule you come up with this time reflects where you are in life at present.  You will come back to this Rule again and again to adjust it or to re-create it as you enter into different seasons of life.  As mentioned above, you may even return to it quite frequently and have slightly different Rules for different Seasons of the Church Calendar and different seasons of the year (for example, a Rule for the school year (if you are a student or teacher) and a Rule for Summer, etc., etc.) Also, remember, spiritual formation is a life-long process and your Rule will never (and in fact can’t) cover that entire process, so focus on what God is inviting you to do in this season. Let the Holy Spirit guide you.

Friends, may you be blessed as you set out this journey! - Kristen